This may prove important as the writer tries to tell a meaningful story within the application essay length limits.
Theater did not come naturally to me, and I felt remarkably self-conscious and nervous the first few times I set foot on stage in the eighth grade.
My best friend had talked me into auditioning for Shakespeare's Not only is the revised passage much more effective, but the author has cut 25 words.
You may have an amazing story to tell for your college application essay, but your writing is going to fall flat if it doesn't use an engaging and effective style.
For your essay to truly shine, you need to pay attention to not just Wordiness is by far the most common stylistic error in college admissions essays.
Who others fail, he is not one to make a mountain out of a molehill.
To make a long story short, throughout high school I have tried to emulate my brother, and I credit him with many of my own successes.
The near repetition of the phrase "the first times I set foot on the stage" saps the passage of energy and forward momentum.
The essay spins in place rather than taking the reader on a journey.
Although it wasn't academically challenging, I learned a lot from my job at Burger King.
In fact, the job had rewards similar to several other jobs I have had during high school.